I was trying to think what I would write about this morning, then saw this post on the Dyspraxia Adults Facebook group and it got me going in reply… also helped that what they were asking about was something that was already on my mind.
I didn’t get my Dyspraxia diagnosis until I was 42 years old when I was doing a masters at university… The university gave me a lap top to support me through the course but no human support.
I am 49 now and have never managed to unpick what issues I experience are down to my dyspraxia and what are just my personality … I would very much like to know what I should be seeking support for and what I should be accepting as part of my personality.
Here’s my reply:
I was diagnosed with dyspraxia at the age of 64. It’s taken me almost two years to start to really engage with it, and, like you, to try and sort out what is down to my dyspraxia and what my underlying personality.
It seems to me, looking back over my life, that so many things I’ve always considered part of who I am (social anxiety, interacting with people, untidiness, forgetfulness, always being late, inability to make decisions, not being able to finish things without giving up, self loathing etc etc etc) can be traced back either directly to dyspraxia or to the way it was dealt with (ie not at all) during my childhood and adolescence – in fact pretty much my whole sixty-plus years worth of life. In other words, my ‘personality’ has been completely shaped by it, and I don’t think it’s possible to separate the two – I’m sorry this probably isn’t very helpful!
Even since I’ve had the diagnosis, trying to tell other people – friends and family – about it doesn’t seem to help, because they don’t understand and either think this is just something I’ve read somewhere and/or that it’s just part of my being self-critical and ‘beating myself up’ and I’m not really ‘that bad’, or perhaps that I’m just making excuses for not listening or being chaotic.
But I have found being on this forum (which I only joined a few weeks ago) and reading about other people’s experiences and struggles is helping me to see that the problems I’ve lived with ARE real, not just excuses or down to “negative attiudes”.’
Well, I’ve just posted that, so don’t know what they will make of it.
What I was vaguely thinking about before that was that a few days ago I think I mentioned Taoism in passing at the end of a post, and was going to go back to that. The connection is me thinking about the ‘Path’ I’ve taken through life, and how it might have been different if I’d understood myself (or been understood) better when I was young. Because it seems I’ve been on this quest of self-discovery for a long time.