Imminent Cahos (accidental typo, but I left it because it seesm appropriate – and there I go again!)

I mentioned that I’ve joined a Facebook group for dyspraxic adults. Yesterday I got involved in a hilarious thread about having to brush your teeth before you get dressed so you don’t get toothpaste down your top. There were 34 likes, loves and laughs (so far) to the original post, and pages of comments. Honestly (I have to keep saying this) I always assumed it was just me. A couple of people said: doesn’t everyone do this? But I know for sure, because the person I’ve lived with longest (my ex) somehow managed to brush his teeth with his mouth closed – I tried it a couple of times, but couldn’t master it. I used to assume it was because I habitually breathe through my mouth, due to all the rhinitis allergies I’ve had down the years (I was always that child with the permanently runny nose).

Someone asked: ‘Does your dyspraxia affect your daily life?’ to which the answer can only be: ‘Yes, massively!’ The most obvious effect is that my main source of exercise is wandering from room to room and up and down stairs because, as my Dad would say: ’you don’t let your head save your legs!’ (as if it was that easy – presumably it was, for him). I know many people see the constant back-and-forth of trying to find things and remember what you’re supposed to be doing and why you’re there as a huge joke, but it can be exhausting and beyond frustrating – after sixty-odd years, the humour has worn mighty thin. More than one person has dropped hints about early onset dementia to which I can only say: extremely early, considering I’ve been like it forever, but at least if it does come I’ll be well-prepared.

The short term memory thing, though very significant is only part of it, of course. Time- and spatial-organisation and management is another, and planning and sequencing activities down to minute detail is related to that. I’ve often felt (before I ever heard of dyspraxia) that I have problems managing boundaries – temporal, spatial, interpersonal, probably loads of other categories my left brain hasn’t yet thought of. It’s most obvious with time, I think – when I start doing something, it takes as long as it takes – it’s why I can’t handle deadlines, or keep appointments – both of which are sources of friction with the external world and other people – and hence sources of shame and self-recrimination, leading to stress and further inability to cope.

But by comparison with many of the younger people in the group I’m so fortunate – I possess the two great blessings of financial security and self sufficiency. Many of the posts are concerned with finding and keeping work, getting help, negotiating relationships and living with other people. One young woman said in a post yesterday: ‘How can I explain … that we don’t KNOW how we adapt our lives because it’s just normal to us?’

We never lose that sense of imminent chaos. But we adapt.