I spent my last half hour in bed this morning thinking about apostrophes, and how simple the rules are, and why do so many people have a problem with them, and how can I explain them to people? Actually, I’ve been thinking about it pretty much ever since, and still am.
Because the rules really aren’t that difficult, but I’m just terrible at explaining things, and that’s why I couldn’t be a teacher.
The first, and most common, reason for using an apostrophe is to show contraction – where some letters have been left out: aren’t, I’m, couldn’t.
The other reason (yes, there are only two), is to show possession: Fred’s brother, the cat’s whiskers. And the only part of this which is tricky is that for words that don’t end in S, you add ‘S, but for words that do end in S, it’s usual to put the apostrophe after the S. So, a maid who works for a lady is a lady’s maid, but a college for ladies is a ladies’ college. That’s it.
Most of the confusion comes from the tendency these days for people to throw an apostrophe at any word that ends in S (usually plurals) whether or not the context is to do with indicating possession. They don’t even do it consistently – like a chip shop advertising: fish, chips and pea’s. Why does peas warrant an apostrophe but not chips? They both end in S. Do they think peas is different because it has a vowel before the S? In which case, what about pies and pizza’s? Or even pie’s and pizzas?
But oh for the days when only the signs outside fish and chip shops – or greengrocers – were affected. These days it happens everywhere – anything you read, not just on the internet but everywhere. There must have been three generations of English teachers since I learnt this 60 years ago, and somewhere down the line the transmission has broken down. And it makes me want to weep every time I see it.
I understand about language having to change, and I break ‘the rules’ in ways that would horrify my teachers, but I do it consciously, consistently, knowing the effect I want to achieve, what’s important and what isn’t. But this has no logic to it, no reason, no consistency. Why bother at all? Why not just abolish apostrophes altogether, as e e cummings did with capital letters, rather than chuck them in whenever you feel like it for no reason whatsoever?
Incidentally, a few paragraphs back, the mighty Word has inscribed a blue squiggly line under my use of it’s in it’s usual (and just did it again). It’s trying to tell me I need to use its – which I would, if I was showing possession. But I’m not. It’s is a contraction for it is, and interestingly it hasn’t underlined it that time.
Yes, I grant you that is the one time when apostrophe might become confusing. But it’s not that hard.