Days Like That

Haven’t posted anything for the last few days as I’ve been working on my submission to the inquiry of the All-Party Parliamentary Group on dyspraxia. Don’t know what they’ll make of it, but I did it anyway. I pulled together all the bits into a first draft on Wednesday morning; edited it on Thursday; then tidied it up, did the covering email and sent it off yesterday, in good time for the deadline at 5. It was 2,750 words in the end, just fitted into four pages, a very personal rant like the stuff I post on here.

I thought I would write 500 words today, but I’ve left it a bit late… didn’t get up till 7.30 and I’ve been to Tesco, then started on answering emails, and now the morning’s half gone and I still haven’t had breakfast.

I posted a cartoon yesterday, both on my personal timeline and the dyspraxic adults group.

https://scontent-lht6-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/117389940_10156978386461853_7954745779455467567_n.jpg?_nc_cat=100&_nc_sid=8bfeb9&_nc_ohc=u4aQUO4IzlkAX_Pizl4&_nc_ht=scontent-lht6-1.xx&oh=baf1401aac35c8d355809e44d346db1d&oe=5F711DC8

On my page I got 9 responses, on the group 105 plus 20 comments (admittedly there are a lot more people on that group than friends on my page!) But although everyone can laugh at this – and lots of well meaning people say: ‘we all have days like that…’ responses from the group were more on the lines of: ‘SO relatable – thanks for sharing this!’, ‘So fucking true Linda!’, ‘Oh dear gods yes! *facepalms*’ and one lady who said: ‘does anyone else get anxiety because they have so much to do…? I’m moving out soon and would love insight on that!’ I didn’t know what to say to her – because that’s exactly how I was feeling yesterday – but I suggested she post the question as a separate post, and might get some helpful advice.

Where is the line in between ‘days like that’ and a sense of underlying chaos that pervades and disrupts a whole life?

A young man posted: ‘Does anyone ever feel alone in this world with having dyspraxia?… My family just doesn’t believe a word I say even though they know I have issues…’

Here’s my reply:

‘I think the way your parents and siblings understand and accept you for who you are makes a huge difference. When I was growing up in the 1960s there was no understanding of neurodiversity at all, just kids who were ‘difficult’ in various ways and were expected to fit in and get on with it. This left me with massive issues of social anxiety and lack of self belief which have affected my whole life. Although I have had relationships in the past (been married twice), I never feel that anyone has ever truly understood and loved the “real me”, just the idea of me they have in their own heads, and until I found out I was dyspraxic two years ago, I felt all of that was my own fault and hated myself for it. Now I live alone and am comfortable with that, but it took a long time to get here…’