Chatting on the Dyspraxic Adults Facebook page yesterday evening, I was asked if I was sending my experiences to the All Party Parliamentary Group on dyspraxia. The website says: ‘The inquiry would welcome evidence in particular from: People with lived experience of dyspraxia…’
Seems like a brilliant idea but… the deadline is next Friday. Well, that’s ok, I suppose – I wouldn’t come up with anything better in 6 months than I can in a week, but…
Where to start? Some of the stuff that I’ve already posted on here, I suppose. My experiences and feelings about my life and myself; my efforts to find help/counselling/self help over the last thirty-odd years (and the massive failure of those attempts); the chance that my current therapist had a previous client who was diagnosed as dyspraxic, and the similarity of our tales of woe (short term-memory, time management, untidiness, general chaos etc) prompted her to suggest that I look into it; reading about it on the web and a huge light bulb finally going on in my head; getting the contact details for her previous client’s assessor and getting a formal diagnosis.
I had a rummage through old blogs from early 2014 and found this:
When I was a child and teenager, just the idea that I might have a condition that needed treatment would never have entered anyone’s head, I was just shy, moody and difficult and I needed to get over myself and get on with it. I was 35 when I first went to counselling, and even then my Dad was very sceptical…
I don’t think I’m particularly ‘depressed’ in the sense of having a treatable condition. I just have a personality that people sometimes find disturbing or alienating, but I am who I am and I can’t help that, I’ve been like it since early childhood and my adult experiences have reinforced it. However I have also found ways of getting by – coping strategies – that seem to mask my deep feelings, and people who see only the superficial side of my personality are surprised to discover my underlying inadequacies and insecurity.
I used to think that it was my external circumstances that brought me down, not having a satisfying relationship or job or any deep satisfaction in my life, but I’ve done things to try and change that and I still feel the same – maybe because I still don’t have any of the things I just listed. It’s probably those flaws in my personality that prevent me from being able to have any of those things. I’m aware that all this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, but I can’t see any way round that.
Counselling seems to end up as regular dumping sessions going around in the same old circles and eventually the counsellors suggest that as I don’t seem to be making any progress we might as well stop. I think I must be the client from hell…
Linda Rushby 24 January 2014
Seems like that could be quite a good start