Today I think I will plan on doing nothing – which is not the same as not planning to do anything, which is what I usually do. If it’s warm enough, I will sit in the garden – not sure about that at present, earlier it seemed nice and sunny, but has clouded over again. Yesterday I was cold most of the day – my therapist even commented on it, as she sat in her house on the Isle of Wight in a sleeveless summer top, and I huddled inside my cardigan in my living room. By the bay window, which is west facing, it can get warm in the afternoons, but the light is too bright for a good Skype picture, so I do it sitting on the sofa by the fireplace, at the opposite end of the room.
It’s not freezing cold, obviously, just a subtle discomfort – for example, since I sat down to write this, I’ve taken my cardi off once and just put it back on again. Also when talking (or thinking) about deep emotional stuff, it’s comforting to pull those two sides over at the front, like wrapping myself in a blanket. Maybe that’s why I prefer cardis to pullovers, or maybe it’s just for the convenience of taking them off and on.
Normally I’d say I’m quite insensitive to changes in temperature (or noise, light and other external conditions, but that’s a topic for another day), but this week I’ve been noticing it more than usual, and I’ve started wondering if it’s related to tiredness. I’ve noticed myself a couple of times almost dozing off in the day time, and always in the evening. I also got restless legs syndrome yesterday for the first time in ages.
I try not to get obsessed about sleep (or lack of it) but this morning I thought I’d check my sleep app, which confirmed that I’ve been waking up at half past four every morning (except Wednesday, when I slept in till quarter past five), and not properly getting to sleep till gone midnight. Long term, I know it’s not good for my energy levels, or my moods. I’ve stopped actively ‘watching’ telly after ten in the evening, but I listen to music through it, and wonder if that’s just as bad. In theory, my bedtime is eleven, but I get engrossed in crocheting and keep staying up to hear the next song.
My relationship with sleep has been messed up for most of my life, as you may already know if you’ve known me a long time. It is what it is, and worrying about it doesn’t help.
This morning I listened to the last three episodes of a serial that’s been downloaded on my phone for a long while. Sometimes listening to the radio sends me back to sleep, but not this time.
I need to call the garage today as they haven’t got back to me about the van. Otherwise, I think I’ll have a quiet day.
