Retirement

I didn’t write a long post yesterday (if 500 words counts as ‘long’ – probably does, in today’s frantic world). I missed out my morning routines because I got up and went straight to the shop, then when I got back I made a poem of it and felt I’d done my ‘writing duty’ for the day. Today I feel inclined to do the same, because I had a poem that popped up first thing and then developed while I was in the shower. But I mustn’t keep doing that.

Have I mentioned on here yet about the phrase that’s apparently going round: ‘…if you don’t come out of this with a new skill, you never lacked time, you just lacked discipline’? Bollox to that say I – (but then I would, wouldn’t I, because I’ve always been a lazy, selfish cow who’s never even tried to become a better person… etc etc etc).

What occurs to me is that what’s currently happening to a lot of people (but not everybody, let’s not forget that, a lot of people – including but not exclusively those employed by the NHS – are having to work their arses off) is a kind of enforced premature retirement. Of course, the fantasy of retirement is that you’ll have the freedom to go swanning off wherever you like, and do those things you never had time for, but in reality lots of retired people just don’t have that many options – whether because of lack of money, poor health, commitments to others (lots of older people are carers for their partners, or want to be available for children, grandchildren, friends, even cats and dogs). Even without those limitations (and I speak from experience as someone who retired relatively young and financially comfortable), sometimes you just don’t have the energy or motivation to get out and do stuff.

I’ve always thought of it as the housewife syndrome (apologies if that sounds sexist, but I spent a lot of my middle age involuntarily unemployed/underemployed so I know what I’m talking about). When you theoretically have lots of time to do things that need doing but you really don’t enjoy, and there’s no formal commitment or external authority (like an employer) imposing sanctions (like the sack) if you don’t do them, it’s easy to slide into a mindset where you’ll do anything but, and spend huge amounts of emotional energy and time on finding reasons not to do those things, and by the end of the day you feel like you’ve achieved nothing, but you’re still exhausted, frustrated and bitter. Well, you do if you’re like me (but then we’ve already established that I’m lazy, selfish, self-pitying… see above).

I think many people who are currently on furlough from work are in that position. It’s not an easy adjustment to make at the best of times, and I’m sure that knowing it will end at some point in the future – but not when, or if, or how, or what happens next – exacerbates it.